My first instinct is to run away from things that scare me or avoid them at all costs…to protect myself and keep a sense of security I suppose. It annoys me beyond belief. I want to be Braveheart (carebears foreva).
Save a horse, Ride a
Cowboy Boat (or both)
I hate boats and tend to turn green on them – just ask my cousin about the time we whale watched. I have no desire to go on a cruise because of this. I’m afraid of nausea and throwing up BIG TIME which has led me to create limitations. This kinda sucks and I kinda want to conquer it.
The last time I rode my Uncle’s speedboat I made him drop me off at a boat gas station dock where I waited for their return. This year the peer family pressure started re: the boat and I protested but you know what? I went on it again (and a jetski for about 60 seconds).
Did I have a giant smile on my face and fully enjoy the experience? No, I was afraid that I would feel nauseous and kept yelling “SLOW DOWN”. But I made it and didn’t avoid it and that is something.
Popping my Karaokeeeeee Cherry (Sober)
On Friday night I went to Kramer’s Bar and Grill for a birthday knowing that I had to do this karaoke thing this summer, even though I’ve had a permanent cough for the last 8 months (worse now than ever). The song choice? Ironic by Alanis Morrisette.
I chickened out by finding a singing partner and during our song I could only hear her voice and the music. For real I thought my mike was off. After watching gals of all shapes, sizes and dispositions saunter to the mike, give it their all, complete with dance moves and impassioned faces (seriously it looked like sex faces which was somewhat disturbing), I thought I could have done better. Being a perfectionist makes me want to do every task with flying colours i.e. awe sweeping over the crowd due to my surprising talent, a standing ovation to follow (this actually happened to my cousin that night). Wanting that result actually spurs performance anxiety (what did you just mentally picture? hehe).
That being said – I did it and I shall do it again. I will practice night and day until I feel comfortable doing a song by myself, mike held close to the lips, imagining that I’m alone in the shower (shower and car singer addict).
PS I had the pleasure of being hit on all night by someone who admittedly had a girlfriend. Seriously where do they come from and how can I disable the magnet? Is it sad that I kind of felt something even though I knew it was totally fake and inappropriate? RELAX I would never act on it.
On Health Sleuthing
I’ve been plagued with stomach issues for the last 8+ years (they’ve said it is IBS, I’m not so sure). I recently cancelled an invasive test out of sheer terror. But I plan to rebook it STAT because it is better to know what’s wrong than continue on blindfolded (where’s the piñata?)
I’ve also had sinus issues and a constant cough that continues to get worse and have been investigating answers. I discovered dust, mold, dog and ragweed allergies (Boy in the Bubble – anyone?). I feel like the allergy-plagued little boy complete with head gear, braces, freckles, suspenders, poor posture and sad eyes. I joke that if I signed up for online dating now, I’d include “FREE OF CHARGE: 90 year old smoker’s cough, sans the smoking.” I’ve always felt like an old soul but my God I feel like one now.
I am trying to keep my sense of humour but in all honesty feel like a hot mess. I cannot even consider dating until I find out what is wrong with me and how to treat it. I wake up every day trying to feel positive and become unnerved when all my symptoms emerge. It is frustrating and taking a toll on my outlook and how I spend my time.
At the end of the day, health is the most important thing. Do what you have to do to keep yourself happy. Take the time off work, listen to your gut if a doctor shrugs it off as nothing, take control and be persisent. You know your body best and what feels normal.
DO SOMETHING THAT SCARES YOU.
You will survive. And if you feel like you could have done it better, just do it again – I bet it will be less scary this time.