As I lamented about not being able to find a great guy, “the universe” sent me one via eharmony. But of course, I didn’t feel the spark, which is typical since my love life operates in a lopsided way. In an effort to convince myself, I took inventory of his many virtues (I also have a penchant for Pro and Con Lists):
- The most financially established, and oldest, I’ve ever dated (condo, nice car, good job, ambition). But I’m not one to base love on material possessions…So what else?
- Family-oriented and goes to church once a month.
- Respectful and normal; took me on great dates (really nice restaurants).
- Called when he said he would, texted me everyday, complimented me, opened doors, paid for everything, wasn’t a douchebag and wanted to pick me up even though it was out of the way.
- Great sense of humour – conversation and laughter were never a problem.
- Frequents the gym, does not smoke, does not have children or an ex-wife and dresses fairly well.
- Tall (very), dark and handsome. Although I wasn’t really attracted to him in that way.
I noticed that I felt closer and more comfortable with him on the phone than I did in person. While I can be affectionate and flirty, I found myself holding back in person. I felt bad about being so hot and cold with him – I didn’t want to lead him on but I didn’t want to let him go.
I wasn’t dying to kiss him and by our third date I thought to myself, the boy has earned it! So in the car, I said “let’s do this.” Out loud. And while I wanted badly to feel something, I really didn’t and almost cried on my way home. I tried to make sense of the situation:
- Am I that girl who will never like someone who actually makes it clear that he likes me/is attainable?
- Or should I just listen to my gut reaction? I either feel something or I don’t – no questions or over thinking. After all, chemistry has no logic. I’m going to go with option B.
So how did it end?
We had a great, honest conversation on the phone about how forced we felt. We drifted for a bit and then tried again. In the end we ended up becoming very good friends – good people can be hard to find and we certainly had personality chemistry that neither one of us wanted to abandon.
We now celebrate the wins and commiserate/support each other on the disappointments in love and life in general. They say most guys don’t want to be “your friend” and I used to agree (serious shortage of male friends) but I disagree in this case.
I would recommend him to anyone and am determined to match make him. Even though I dealt with a lot of difficult encounters and may not emerge with a relationship from this eharmony experience, meeting him was well worth the $120 bucks.
Have you ever been in a similar situation? How important is chemistry to you?