Online Dating: The Anti-Profile

So this whole online dating thing. I really don’t want to do it again: too much work, routine and expectation. But how can I insult the hand that feeds my dating life? (I do meet guys in real life, but “there’s always something”).

They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over again and expecting different results. I recently read my past profile (saved it in word for future reference) and thought – why so serious??

WHAT IF I let it all hang out, but in a funny way?

Behold the birth of the anti-profile:

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Username: BettyWhiteGroupie

  • Err on the side of Dreamer as opposed to doer (working on it).
  • Only child (insert spoiled/selfish joke here).
  • Lactose intolerant and other sensitivities.
  • Live at home. For now (takes creativity).
  • Apparently too funny. (My mom says boys don’t find this shexy. She’s my biggest fan).
  • Penchant for “grandma” winter sweaters (matches my soul).
  • Car Singer (Sing off? Or do you prefer a dance off?).
  • Maybe, sometimes, sort of overanalyze (don’t all vajayjays come equipped with that?).
  • Drink tea with a spoon/straw (Chai please and thank you).
  • Drive like a maniac. Often Late. Impatient.
  • Try to live in the present, take risks and be grateful for everything.
  • Believe in serendipity and actions meeting opportunities.
  • Passionate about the creative arts.

You can start with your own flaws if you dare.

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Of course I would end it with what I’m looking for in another person. I feel like it would work because subconsciously it is warning them to stay away – you don’t really want to buy that sweater do you? I don’t think you could pull it off…” “Oh yea? Watch me!”

It just takes effort to cut through a sales pitch and learn what someone’s flaws are. I wish we could check references like we can in job searches.

Betty is my hero & super badass. Go Betty, go Betty, GO.

Give it a whirl: Two Love Inducing Mental Exercises

1. Someone told me recently that I should describe the qualities I’m seeking in a partner, in relation to men in my life who
embody each quality.  Hmm, let me see…

Moves like Jagger. Wise like the Man on the Moon. Shexy like Hugh Hefner. Hung like that guy on Hung. JUST KIDDING. I
did this exercise a few nights ago and it was really fun to create the perfect man. However, I have no idea how long it will take for my magic spell to manifest itself.

2. VISUALIZE what you want your life to look like, enlisting all 5 senses – write down who you are, who you are with and your
perfect day.

This post is really about me (and you) making dating (online or off) fun and lighthearted again. Being online may just be a signal to the universe that you are open and available. Or it may make you feel proactive instead of passive. If anything, it adds horrific and hilarious anecdotes to your single days.

PS don’t steal my profile idea 😛
PPS Check out sexy typewriter for non-stop dating hilarity. I should have stayed anonymous.

2 Responses to Online Dating: The Anti-Profile

  1. I loved the hilarity that’s been thrown into the article. Hats off to the humor quotient you have. I think it’s just the tip of the iceberg, thereby, making us expect much more in the future.

    Oh, BTW, best of luck for your dating venture.

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