My membership ran from August 9 – Nov 10 and I officially went on my last first date from the site on Dec 22nd. While I so wanted to spend this holiday season with someone new, I can’t force the issue and have to trust that now is not the time for a new romance, as it would = bad romance according to Gaga. I’m happy I tried online dating and I came to some conclusions I hope are helpful to you:
1. I think my person is meant to meet me in person. I don’t like being anything but myself, I have a strong personality and high energy, I’m not shy and I’m probably not for most guys. I think the person for me will get to know me before hand and see me in action before striking. Not only that, but I find a man’s energy level and an intangible connection super important and that is only possible to gage in person. It takes too long to get to the in person meeting via eharmony and the process is too impersonal. Kind of like on campus recruitment or an assembly line. If you need a kickstart, are shy or want to practice dating, sign up for fun, no expectations!
2. I need to focus on myself and navigate this transition, before bringing someone else on board. This is typically how men operate but it holds true for me too. I have so much going on and so much to figure out right now, that I can’t dedicate enough time and energy to a budding romance and I don’t think I’m stable enough ( in terms of where I’m headed, my mental stability is A-OK) to be attractive to someone who has their own life figured out. Fair enough and definitely an issue of timing. Before signing up, consider if this is the right time in your life to focus energy on dating. In other words, do you have your s*** together?
3. I won’t regret not being proactive enough. Before I joined eharm, I felt like I could have done more to take control of my love life and take action. I now know I couldn’t have done more and I won’t have to answer any WHAT-Ifs on that front. I can now RELAX and take things as they come. If you’re sitting at home waiting for Mr. Right to fall through the ceiling, you may feel better after taking concrete action.
4. I no longer need to see what else is out there. Before I joined eharm, I had only dated a couple of guys (for long periods of time) and so I never felt like I had dated enough to see who else was out there. I now feel like this mission has been accomplished and would happily settle down. If you feel limited by the types of people you regularly meet in life, you’ll get to meet people from all walks of life, all over the city that you wouldn’t otherwise meet. Although we’re all the same in the end, quench that curiosity before you get into a committed relationship.
5. For the most part, I didn’t take things personally. Although there were a couple stingers, I didn’t let the fact that I didn’t meet someone negatively impact my overall sense of worth – which is a breakthrough. Although I admit it was frustrating to invest that much time without a “prize”. I also couldn’t have done it without the support of my friends, including the new one I met from the site. Don some thick skin and don’t take things personally. Much like auditioning for a part, you don’t know what is “influencing the casting director.” Sometimes it just comes down to a gut feeling, plus it may not be the right time for them to be “looking for love”. TIP: not all eharmoners are looking for a committed relationship, despite how the brand is positioned.
6. I am more resilient than I thought. I was hopeful/excited for almost each and every new meeting, regardless of what had happened previously. I like the way “hope” feels. I did run into the opposite and I think if you reach the point of bitterness, you really should pull yourself out of the game and recoup. Be more selective about who you engage in communication and who you commit to meeting and listen to songs/talk to people that keep you in a positive, excited frame of mind for new meetings. Because no one likes a negative Nancy.
If I had to pick a theme song to sum up the experience, it would be the beloved Chumba Wumba circa 199-something.
The Future of L’Amour
I also want to let you know that after much thought, I’m going to take a hiatus from reporting on my love life. I really wanted to bring the topic of online dating out into the open because I felt pretty alone before deciding to take the plunge and I wanted to show the world that normal people do it too.
But now, “finding love” actively is no longer my core focus so I won’t have much ammunition for stories. But more importantly, I want this blog to be suitable for grandma viewing and even though she asks me almost every time we speak if I’ve found a boyfriend yet, I don’t want her to know the knitty gritty details as to WHY NOT.
Besides, my close friends know I already have a boyfriend, I glow everyime we see each other, Sir. CN Tower.
I wish you lots of love in life, but most importantly, I wish that you love yourself. Be hopeful and spread the joy of the season to everyone you meet. For those of you who celebrate Christmas, have a very merry one! We only have to endure the tunes for two more days.
What risk did you take for love this year and how did it turn out?